I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
