just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
