your parents love me but you hate me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
