Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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