I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
