At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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