I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
