I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
