If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
