He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
