remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
