they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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