a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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