a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
NoShamevember. You game?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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