morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
