everyone is single if you try hard enough
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
