Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
