i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
