Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
