mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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