Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
