i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
