he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
