I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
