FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
