So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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