i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
