I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
