I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
