You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
