the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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