Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
