I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize