you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
