What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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