she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
