Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize