and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
