haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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