you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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