can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
