Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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