The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
