My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
