Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
