I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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