Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
