she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
