Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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