Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
