You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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