Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
