I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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