I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
