When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
