my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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