i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
