Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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