***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
