I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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