i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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