I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
