I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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