oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
