Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize