i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
