you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dignity is for republicans.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
