I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
