and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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