Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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