i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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