halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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