so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
